Friendships, both in and out of the JW organization

Ok, I don't know what's up with my font issues. I didn't change anything, so this is really strange. Whatever. :p

I was asked if there was anything I missed about being a JW.

At this juncture in my life, I can't say that there is. On some level, I do miss the routine and there are people I miss, but I don't miss either of those things enough to go back to a place where the cons outweigh the benefits. I miss going to McDonald's on a Saturday morning for a break during the door-to-door ministry. But you know what? I'm much more relaxed not getting up at 7 AM on a weekend to go knock on strangers' doors, disrupt their peaceful morning, and talk to them about something they aren't interested in.

You might wonder how I can, seemingly, just walk away from a lifetime of friends?

It's not like that. These "friends" are only your friends for as long as you believe the same things they do and do what they do. The minute you start to think for yourself or do things they deem unchristian (tattoos, funky colored hair, piercings, that skirt that falls just above your knee, etc), you are marked as spiritually weak and people won't talk to you as easily as they once did. In more extreme cases, you're disfellowshipped and it's announced from the stage that So-and-so is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Their logic in removing someone from the congregation is that "one bad apple spoils the bunch" and they don't want your influence to alter their idea of what it means to be living a godly life.

When they disfellowship you, you're still free to attend all the meetings, but you are NOT allowed to speak to anyone, nor are they allowed to speak to you.

I don't know about you guys, but I know I can still be a good person with piercings, a streak of green hair, and tattoos. And I know I was still a good person when I spent my Dec 25th doting on my kids and giving them presents.

The thing is, when you leave the Jehovah's Witnesses, you leave EVERYTHING you know, you lose everyone you've ever known. They treat you as dead because you have turned your back on what they view as the Only True God. They believe their religion is the truth (and that's what it's called, the truth) and that anyone who changes their mind is not worthy of their company.

So walking away from such a judgmental group is really the lesser of 2 evils, when you think about it. You're saving yourself from dealing with toxic people. They may be perfectly lovely people, but when you add in that they are taught to shun people who change their minds, it's a rather narrow view of the world.

Because I knew I would be marked/shunned for not believing in god anymore (yes, I'm atheist), I started the process on my own. It's much easier to cope if you do it your way instead of theirs. In my opinion, of course.

I blocked people from my personal facebook (and some from the account for this blog) and told others, "I'm not going to meetings anymore and this is why." I gave a very perfunctory answer, knowing they wouldn't want to hear the real reasons behind my choice to leave, and left the ball in their court. One friend chose to drop us completely, another talks to us but I can hear a slight undercurrent of sadness that we left, and a 3rd talks to us but recently informed me that her husband, who has been studying to be a JW, too, told her I'm not spiritually encouraging to her so she should not talk to me as much. Never mind that I have NEVER shared my views with her, aside from the perfunctory, "I just don't believe it to be true and I greatly disagree w/ the disfellowshipping thing." Never mind that she has countless other non-JW friends that she talks to, emails, and texts. Never mind that we've been VERY close in the years we've known each other. Never mind that we've both walked practically parallel paths in life and therefore have much more in common than what meets the eye. No. Because I'm no longer a JW, I'm not good enough.

Through this, I've been able to come out to my other, non-JW, friends about no longer being a JW and have received nothing but support and encouragement for my choice to live life MY WAY and to think for myself, instead of being told what to do all the time. They're proud of me and that makes me happy because it shows me I've made the right choice for myself and my family.

Odd thought: While typing that, I sat here and doubted myself. Like, what would Jehovah think of that? What if I'm wrong? What if JWs are right?

That is how deeply brainwashed one becomes as a JW. It's insidious.

Back to my new friends... These new friends who are so supportive have come from every walk of life and they don't judge me by what I do or how I look or what I'm wearing. They accept me for me. Not for how many hours I talked about the Watchtower Org, or how many times I went to religious services this week, or what I'm wearing today.

Prior to becoming a JW, I wasn't very close with any of these people, since JWs are taught that to be friends w/ "the world" (someone not a JW) is enmity (fighting) with god. Because of the internet, however, and my penchant for researching the crap out of stuff, I found myself on various internet forums and forming friendships with people that way. I've done that since 1996. While it's social suicide to leave, I found it to be not entirely isolating because I'd made connections with people over the years, albeit online. Some of those online friends have been local, though, and that was key to leaving the JWs without too much emotional scarring. Having someone in real life to talk to and hang out with is critical.

The Roomie did not have the support system I do. When he left, it was alone, and only after he was out did he look to develop relationships with other ex-JWs. I'll get into his story tomorrow or later today.