You guys remember my post about JWs and friendship? It's here: http://theratherunusual.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-was-asked-if-there-was-anything-i.html
I had that one JW friend who talks to me but her husband, who has been studying, told her to limit our interaction because I'm not spiritually encouraging. Remember, I never said anything negative to her about it. Not once.
Yesterday, on my personal facebook account, I inadvertently shared a link to my blog. I was logged in as myself, went to the November Amethyst fb page, and selected "Share" under a link to this blog. I had blocked several JWs from seeing the November account, so I (wrongfully) thought that they would not see that link on my personal fb because it came from the November fb account.
I was wrong. A couple of hours later, I thought it over some more and tried out some computery (yes, I made that new word) stuff w/ The Husband and it was realized that the only thing that blocking people from November's page does is remove the link back to November. That blog link still showed up on my wall.
Ok, to most, that's no big deal. But for me, it cost a "friend" and there may be further fall out from it. I have a handful of JWs still on my page and if I can maintain a civil/friendly relationship with them, I'd like that.
But if it doesn't work out, then such is life.
Anyway, I deleted the link from my personal page for the time being and went about my day. This morning, that one friend said on her fb that she was considering deactivating her account. Ok, whatever. A bit later, I realized she had disappeared from FB and assumed it was deactivated.
When I looked for a picture of the Mario Bros cake in my photos, I saw that she had commented on it, but her name was in black text. Typical for a block, but not for a deactivation (those just disappear). After some sleuthing, we found her fb account and her wall, where she posted:
I have decided to keep my account... I really do enjoy Facebook but I was receiving some VERY negative encouragement and have to do what's best for me & mine.
I'm thinking she saw the link to my blog and read some of it. She probably didn't like it. My guess is the whole "it's a cult" thing didn't sit right with her. JWs are taught that it's NOT a cult, but if the boot fits . . . (Thank you, Woody [Toy Story 2] for that awesome line!)
This is what happens when someone leaves the Jehovah's Witnesses and they aren't shy about their experiences or their opinion. They are labeled an apostate, mentally diseased, and shunned.
I could text her and see if she's ok. I could ask about her kids. I could ask if she's mailed me the stuff I forgot there or not. I could ask if she's still mailing my painting she did for me.
But I won't. It's not worth it.
If you're so willing to throw away a friendship because the person no longer shares your beliefs, then you have problems nothing can fix.
I'm sorry you lost a friendship, it does hurt. I know it does, but sometimes you can't change how other's feel.
ReplyDeleteIf you guys have never talked about JW or anything, then her relationship didn't mean as much as you thought it did. Isn't it sad you find out who your true friends really are when you need them the most? Or you think they are your friends no matter what?
Trust me when I say - I understand this on MULTIPLE levels - and not just from the JW aspect of my world (as you and I have discussed before - I have whole SECTIONS of my family that refuse to acknowledge that I even exist)... Hang in there, kiddo - and you always have an ear here if you want one...
ReplyDeleteSaw this on a social site and thought I'd share my thoughts and approach for the past while.
ReplyDeleteDunnos how many JW contacts you care to keep around in your life - I still have a fair bit of family. I've taken the "if you dig and find out, I really don't care" approach. Which is, I don't talk about religion at all on anything associated with my real name or accounts where my real name is associated. At all. I do have ex-JW friends on there, and if they move over and see the crowd I hang out with - well, that's on them.
So far this approach has worked, but YMMV. I had/have kept another blog not associated with my name for that. I give/gave it out to a select few in person... It's a difficult line to walk.
That's a good approach, and one I've been able to maintain, for the most part. I don't know what I was thinking, posting the blog link on my personal profile. *facepalm* Oh well. What's done is done.
ReplyDeleteBecause of the stress related to this "friend" shunning me, I've had a fibro flare-up. Oh yay.
Oh, Sid, thanks for the support. :) That must have been strange for you to be friends with us, a JW family, knowing your own JW family never bothered to get to know you. And weirder still, knowing they watched me grow up. That's a mind fuck for me, actually. LOL
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you must be feeling. Just focus on the good and right relationships you do have as much as possible. Allow your mind a specific amount of time to grieve for the friendship, and let that be it. Seriously, there is NO ONE in this world worth interrupting the happiness in your family life. She's betrayed herself and doesn't even know it yet.
ReplyDeleteGood advice, Ti. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteAw Sweetie. Something like this is never easy, and nothing I can say will make it easier.
ReplyDeleteJust remember you have many friends out here who love you unconditionally, no matter what you do or what you say or what you believe in.
Hugs